We have once pointed out the importance of developing healthy relationships and avoiding relationships with toxic or destructive components.
But, what do we mean by healthy relationships? How are those relationships and how are they built? Today we are going to try to answer those questions.
Building Healthy Relationships
Healthy relationships are formed on a series of pillars. Communication is the first and most important of them.
If we maintain a sincere, constructive and non-defensive communication with our partner, we will be able to talk about the problems that may appear and try to resolve them, avoiding that no one feels attacked or injured, to overcome any crisis in the best possible way that we face. Other keys are the following:
Talk about The Problems Bluntly
When something bothers or disgusts us, it is best to communicate it to our partner in a clear and concrete way, without attacking, only by letting them know that it bothers us. Many couples do not, do not talk to each other about what bothers them, hide it or try to let them know with hints or defensive behaviors. In other cases, they merely wait for the other to realize for themselves and when they see that they do not get it, they get even more upset.
When we adopt these attitudes, hoping that our partner somehow divines what bothers us, we manage to feed the discomfort even more because neither of us can guess at each moment what the other’s needs are, no matter how much we learn that if he knows us, he should know it.
Catching the “bull by the horns” is the best solution. If something bothers us, we have to talk about it, without blaming or attacking us. The goal is to build, not destroy.
Commitment and Agreement
In any relationship, of whatever kind, we will find ourselves with disagreements or different ways of seeing things, as well as our own needs. It is crucial that, in the face of conflicts, we try to reach reasonable agreements in which each of the parties contributes to solving their part of responsibility in the problem.
To overcome disagreements and crises, we must work as a team with our partner. Remember that relationships are a matter of two and neither party can carry the burden of responsibility.
As we noted above, in a couple, each of the members will have their own opinions and needs, and both should be respected by the other.
However much trust and cooperation there is in the couple, they are two different individuals with different circumstances and desires. It must be clear that we do not have to share all these desires and ideas, but we must respect the individuality of the other, without invading or questioning it or trying to resemble it to our own.
Our partner, with time, will become one of the most important figures of our life and every time we will share more time and more intimacy with her.
Giving and receiving comfort, encouragement, and encouragement in the couple is essential to establish a relationship of trust. Both members of the couple should know that in the other they have unconditional support, with which they can count at the moments of celebration but also when they touch bottom.
For this, it will be necessary for the two parties to share their feelings and emotions, to open their hearts and forget the resistances to be vulnerable. When there are resistances or shields, we can not access the other person or let them access us, and this prevents us from establishing an adequate and real level of intimacy, with the conflicts that it entails.
If there are barriers, there may be a fear of commitment. You can read: Overcome the fear of commitment.
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Marking a series of boundaries in the relationship, even if it seems contradictory, makes us feel more robust and safer. We refer to limits established jointly, limits on which both parties agree and that are not created because there is distrust or to “catch” the other.
The limits are marked based on what each one considers that will make you feel comfortable, likes and makes you feel good. We must remember that they are limits, not prohibitions and that they are established in a consensual or agreed manner and that, if we do not find that consensus, we must rethink what each of the relationships expects and if the relationship with that person will provide us with comfort and security. What do we need?
The limits should not restrict our ability to:
- See and meet other people without our partner accompanying us. We all have a life “before the other,” and that life is ours. Our couple is invited to share with us part of that life but in no case to force us to abandon it or not allow us to enjoy it, with or without your company.
- Leisure activities or hobbies. Very similar to the previous point. Our hobbies or leisure activities are part of us, in many occasions, they can be moments of intimate connection with ourselves, our moment to be alone, or it can be an activity for which we feel passion. Whatever the case may be, our partner must respect this facet of us.
- Maintain privacy Because it is one thing for our couple to have the doors of our hearts open and another very different one to have the open doors of our accounts in social networks, our email or our telephone. Many people consider that if there is trust and there is nothing to hide, the other will not mind if we take a look at their “things.” Surely you have nothing to hide but our access to “your things” implies an invasion of your personal space, it is a violation of your privacy, and you may feel it as an attack on your individuality
What are NOT Healthy Relationships?
We can intuit this point based on what we have mentioned in the previous one. Unhealthy, toxic or codependent relationships are based on power and control over the other. It is possible that at the beginning of the relationship, the traits of unhealthy couples may go unnoticed but little by little they appear more frequently and forcefully.
When the signs begin to appear there are some factors that we must take into account:
- People change when they want to change. We can not force anyone to change their way of being if they are not themselves who decide to take the step and get down to work.
- Do not forget yourself. At no time do you renounce your needs by attending to those of the other? If you must strive to satisfy them because your relationship is consuming your energy or your time, you must consider ending the situation.
- Do not forget about others. When a relationship absorbs us, we tend to isolate ourselves from the people around us. It is important to maintain contact with friends and family to make sure we have the emotional support we need.
- Think of the break. A relationship should provide security, serenity, happiness, and acceptance.
When there is lack of respect, possession, jealousy, shouting, humiliation or any type of physical or verbal aggression, there is no love, there is a need for power, control, abuse, and it is a priority and fundamental to think at all times of our security.
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